I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
