Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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