What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
