Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
