i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
