also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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