I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
