Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
