He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sacagawea was the original milf.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
