I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize