paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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