6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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