I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I currently don't understand fingers.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
