haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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