he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
