Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize