i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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