Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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