If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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