You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
