It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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