Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
