just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
