We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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