Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
