Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
