I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
