I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
