dude i'm inner monologue high
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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