Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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