I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
