the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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