I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
