Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
birth control should be required to get into college
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
