There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize