i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
