Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
