yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
