You really coming over, don't trick.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
