You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
