when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
