Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize