The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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