Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
