This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize