Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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