I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
