She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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