oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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