tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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