Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm always down for nudity.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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