Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
God, I missed his penis.
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