it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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