I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
