My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
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