Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
