so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
