I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
