i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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