And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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