Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
