Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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