I just pynch a tree in the face
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
