C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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