youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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