I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
