Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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