That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
