when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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