wakey wakey hands off snakey
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize