oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
