I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
