I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
