In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
