The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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