At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
