Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
