my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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