there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
