if you like me you must not know who I am
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize