TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
