I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
