i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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