So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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