seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
