what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
