i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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