Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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