well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
