Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
