haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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