I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
