I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
