If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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