HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
